Illogical thinking
by Haloa
Summary: short one-shots crossing my mind while watching some of my favorite episodes of Star Trek.
1. Chapter 1

**Some Illogical things. (1)**

**The Ta'al.**

McCoy is embarrassed. He failed to make the Vulcan salute with his right hand for the twentieth times and he is becoming insane! James T. Kirk is by his side, in front of the mirror in the bathroom of his quarters, trying to help his friend.

"No, no, no…Calm down and try again without using your other hand!" Jim orders, half laughing.

"Shit! I can't concentrate with you around and stop to mock me!" McCoy says.

"Hey! I try to help!" Jim answers, smiling at his friend in the mirror.

"Then, shut up!" McCoy cries. "I can't understand …Spock is right! How can it be possible?"

"Uh …Spock is often right, you know…"

"You don't understand, Jim! How can it be possible that I can't perform the vulcan salute without separating my fingers with my other hand! Can you believe it? I'm a surgeon! I am able to repair a connection between two blood vessels and probably between two neurons in a damaged brain and I am still unable to order to my fingers to separate this way!" McCoy shouts forming the Ta'al with the help of his left hand, showing his inability to Kirk who sighs loudly …

"Oh Bones, this doesn't matter! Spock trusts you as surgeon. Despite his comments, he respects your skills. "

"Jim…" McCoy says, uneasy, "You know, Spock always submits to our human way of life …I want to show him that I can reciprocate. I want to make the Ta'al the next time I see him, not to boast but to show him some respect!"

"Bones …You care about him!" Jim says, fondly.

"Jim, I have already admitted that Pointy-eared is my friend!" McCoy says, "I want to show him, that's all! So, do you help me?"

"Of course! Try again, and if you use your other hand this time I promise that I will tie your left hand behind your back!"

"Thank you my friend!" McCoy says with a real smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Some illogical things (2)**

**The cave**

McCoy is in the Captain's quarters. He is reporting in detail the last mission, in a grave tone.

"Spock was jealous of me! He lost his control and tried to strangle me! I succeed to reach his logical soul and he suddenly realized that I was right! Spock was acting like his ancestors, five thousand years in the past. You know, he has eaten meat and has fallen in love with the woman… I had to tell him that we must return in our present time, letting the girl behind us, alone."

Now, Leonard looks at his friend. Tears are rolling down his face…

Suddenly, behind his desk, against all odds, Kirk takes his face in both his hands and begins to laugh!

"Jim! How dare you laugh like this! I' m telling you that Spock is probably suffering from the loss of this woman! He made love with Zarabeth and she is dead now!"McCoy shouts, angry.

"Ahahah…Sorry! …I'm sorry! Ahahaha…"

"JIM! Stop it! This is not funny! Are you insane or are you becoming emotionless like a Vulcan? …Well, this is unfair for Spock! Do you realize that he was happy in her arms? This was perhaps the first time…"

"Bones…Calm down! Please, I am sorry…I will explain myself…" Jim says, regaining his seriousness.

"I'm listening!"

"Well…Okay…I was thinking about you in this cave. I was imagining that instead of Spock, YOU acted like our human ancestors, five thousand years in the past, you know …You, a prehistoric man, wearing clothes made from animals skins and fur, speaking with incomprehensible grunts …Poor Zarabeth…At least, she would have a beautiful cave with hands and hunting scenes printed on the wall!"

"Jim … You are an idiot! …But you're right." McCoy adds with a sad smile. "Zarabeth was lucky with Spock. Five thousand years ago, Vulcans were at least an advanced people, barbaric but more civilized than our poor ancestors!"

"Leonard, I'm sorry. I made fun of this story but in reality I'm sad for Spock…Do you think that I should speak with him?"

"No way! But you could invite him to play chess…I am sure he will be _satisfied_ by the distraction." McCoy replies.


	3. Chapter 3

_Another short story which crossed my mind…_

**Bad news**

«Bones, Nurse Chapel asked me to come quickly…Bones, what is it? You seem worried… Something serious happened?" Jim Kirk asked while entering McCoy's office.

The latter was pacing. He was pale and his hands were tight around his Pad.

"Indeed, Jim…I…I finished the examination of the members of the landing party and …I'm afraid to have to announce bad news to one of them…"McCoy said, uncomfortable.

"One of those who went on Xozin IV's surface is ill? My God, Bones, who is it? Is it a serious disease?" Jim asked. He was now as anxious as his friend. In fact, the last times Jim has seen him so nervous were when Leonard suffered from xenopolycythemia or during Spock's Pon Far.

"Jim…It is Janice…your yeoman. She complained of severe itching on her return of mission." Leonard said in an almost inaudible voice. "Poor girl…"

"Janice has been contaminated? What is it? Dangerous bacteria? A mortal virus?" Captain Kirk asked, sorry for the young woman.

"Well…It's nothing serious, fortunately, a cure exists…It is just that I fear her reaction…"

"Bones! Answer me! It is an order!" WHAT IS IT?"

"Um….Well…She …she has lice…" Leonard McCoy answered, his thoughts turned toward the fair haired yeoman and her amazing woven hair like a basket.

_One hour later, in Janice Rand's quarters…_

"LICE! Oh my God! Noooooooooooooooooooo!" She screamed while staring at the bottle of shampoo against lice, given by the Dr McCoy.

_**The end **_


	4. A vulcan kiss?

**A Vulcan kiss?**

Captain's log, stardate 3842.4

"_The conference on Babel has begun. Sarek was the last ambassador to leave the ship. The heart surgery performed by Dr McCoy having been successful, Spock's father has been able to join his colleagues to discuss the membership of the Coridans in the Federation. The vote that will follow will have serious repercussions on the relations between Tellarites, Vulcans, Andorians et cetera…But whatever the outcome, it will not be my problem! The Enterprise will not serve as taxi for their return."_

_oOOOo_

"Captain! It's your turn!"

Spock and Jim were in Jim's quarters, playing a game of tridimensional chess. Spock has moved his rook two minutes ago and was now waiting for his captain's next move. Spock was worried as Jim seemed distracted.

_Our last mission has been grueling. Indeed, the transport of all the diplomatic delegations from one point to another has not been a sinecure. The murder of the Tellarite ambassador, the attempted sabotage of the conference by the Orions, and then their suicidal mission… the Orion spy who attacked Jim…the blade of the dagger almost hit his heart…_

"Jim? …Jim, something is wrong?" Spock's face is impassive, however... "Are you tired or are you suffering again from your injury?"

"Um… No, Spock. I'm fine…It is just that…I overheard a conversation between an Alphan and an Andorian, yesterday morning and…"

"And what did they say that was so interesting?" Dr McCoy asked suddenly. The latter has entered the room quietly, a bottle of Whiskey in one hand and was looking for two glasses in Jim's closets.

"Mister Spock, given your last blood test, I think that in your case alcohol consumption is not wise."

"Doctor McCoy! Entering in Jim's quarters without authorization or invitation is not correct!" Spock said in a cold tone.

"Mister Spock, I am Jim's physician and I need no invitation or authorization for visiting him. I must survey that he is following my prescription which is: rest!"

"And in _his_ case, is alcohol a wise consumption?"

"Gentlemen! Stop, please! Bones! Sit down and serve us! That's an order!"

"Well, okay!" Bones replied while watching Spock with a triumphant smile. "So…What did those two guys say?"

Jim was smiling too but it was a shy smile. Spock noticed that he was reddening despite the fact that he has no drunk a drop of alcohol yet!

"Well…This is embarrassing…They were speaking about Sarek and Amanda…Something about their behavior on board and in public…"

"Fascinating!" Spock replied, raising one eyebrow.

"Well…When they exchanged that gesture multiple times. You see, like this!" Jim tended his index and his middle finger of his right hand together, hesitating. "They said that this gesture is a …a sort of Vulcan kiss!"

"Wow... Vulcans are touch telepaths but I doubt that it is indeed a kiss." Bones said.

"Could you explain your reasoning, Dr McCoy?" The half-Vulcan asked.

His face was showing no sign of discomfort or amusement. He was contemplating the chess board with scrutiny, his interlaced fingers supporting his chin.

"Sure…I know that Vulcans are chaste and reserved. Actually, sex and what is related to it are taboo. I remember perfectly your father making this gesture when he arrived onboard. He was presenting his wife. Then, he made this same gesture during the party, in front of us and of all the others diplomats…I saw him and your mother exchanging this gesture in sickbay…" He said.

"Personally, I saw your father doing the same thing in the engine room, he called your mother and …well, he asked her to continue the visit without him…Do you remember, Spock?"

"Yes…You asked me to explain to him the components of the computer …"

"Um… I did not know that your relation with him was bad." Jim said, uneasy.

"Indeed. Please, continue Doctor."

"Well, sex and everything related to it is taboo on Vulcan." McCoy said, reminding of Spock's behavior during his Pon Farr and how secret and private he was at this time and now. "I have seen how your mother reacted to this gesture, fondly and with a gentle smile. But I don't imagine your parents kissing in public all day long! In my opinion, this is simply a symbolic gesture without any sexual connotation…This indicates that they are a couple. This is like holding hands or walking, you know, arm in arm."

"I agree with you. There is probably something with their telepathic link but this is not like a kiss." Jim added. "So…Spock, tell us the truth…Is this gesture a kiss?"

"Gentlemen," Spock answered while standing. "Like you said, Dr McCoy, do you really think that my parents would kiss each other in public all day long?" Then, Spock left Jim's quarters. He was calm and impassive as always.

oOOOo

Less than five minutes later, Spock was seated in front of his computer. He has quickly asked for a communication with the apartment of his parents, on Babel. Soon, both Sarek and Amanda were on the screen.

"Spock! What a surprise! We did not expect to see you so soon, my son!" Amanda said, smiling.

"Indeed, Mother."

"Spock, you seem to be …preoccupied. Is there a problem?" Sarek asked.

"No, father…I'm just asking a favor."

"Which is…?"

"Well…Please, the next time that you are in front of my friends…Could you control yourself and refrain from kissing Mother every five minutes!" Spock exploded.

**THE END.**


End file.
